Today started with a school meeting.
Usually, families are referred to NVR to learn different ways to parent in very difficult circumstances. Children and young people often have diagnoses like developmental trauma, FASD, ADHD, and autism. Sometimes there’s a similar presentation but there’s no diagnoses - which can be even more tricky. There’s usually a lot of stress and risk and worry.
Parents might not be parenting in the best way at this point but it’s not through lack of knowledge, lack of care, or lack of effort. It’s burnout. Nobody else would be doing a better job. But professionals sometimes notice the things that the parents are getting wrong - presuming the issues with the child are caused by the parent’s behaviour and not that the child’s difficulties have overloaded and exhausted the parent over time - and (another) parenting course is offered.
But s it’s not about supporting parents to think about their responses. It just can’t work. The areas of the brain needed for learning, for reflecting, for empathy, for compassion - they’re offline. It just causes more pressure.
Sometimes it’s about looking at the system - looking at how everybody involved can take the pressure off the child and off the parents - collaborative conversations that take into account the reality of everybody’s resources - parents and professionals - and finding a way forward one step at a time.
The school in question were absolutely lovely and have some things they’re going to put in place straight away, and they’re going to keep a closer eye.