FRIES?

Looking for a resource to help with conversations about consent? There are some interesting videos out there using 'a cup of tea' to open up discussions with young people but they're quite problematic in one way or another so those videos aren't recommended anymore. One of the big criticisms is that consent is reduced to saying yes or no, and having the capacity to say yes or no. See here for more about why those videos aren't recommended.

It's much more helpful and effective to think about FRIES when we're talking about consent. For consent to count, it needs to be

FREELY GIVEN -

Consent only counts if it's given freely, without pressure, and the person has to be in a position to be able to think clearly - not heavily influenced by alcohol or drugs.

REVERSIBLE -

We might say yes today and no tomorrow, or yes now then no when things have got going, and that's okay. The person we want to have sex with might also change their mind and that's okay too.

INFORMED -

If somebody knows that have an STD and doesn't share that, then the other person can't give consent to have sex with somebody who has an STD. If somebody pretends they're on birth control, or using a condom, when they're not - there's no consent even if there's an enthusiastic yes.

ENTHUSIASTIC -

It's not just about the word yes, it's about enthusiasm - not just for sex but for specific sexual activity as things progress.

SPECIFIC -

We can give consent for one sexual act and not another. We can insist on boundaries that matter to us.

There are some great YouTube videos - some as short as a minute and longer one’s going into a bit more detail. Have a google and see if any of these would be good to share with your young person.