There's no blame or shame in NVR - there’s no blaming or shaming of parents and there’s no blaming or shaming of children.
When our children aren't managing themselves well we often think about changing things in the environment. There are things we can't change of course but there are lots of things we can. We can lower our expectations when they need more breathing space. We can work on our own regulation when we're not helping things. We can tighten up our boundaries when they need more safety or containment. We can consider professional support and advocating for changes in other environments like school. We can look into thing like therapy and medication.
It's the same for us as parents - when we're not managing ourselves well as parents, we probably ought to think about what we need to be able to do a good enough job with our kids. Do we need a survival mode parenting plan that lowers expectations of ourselves for a while? Do we need more space? Do we need professional support?
Does that mean that NVR is a soft touch approach? Not at all. There’s a place for challenge. There's a place for insisting that our children find safe and respectful ways of communicating difficulties and distress. There's a space for insisting we do the same.
Clear behaviour expectations and predictable parent boundaries are a crucial part of the environment for a child. We can offer those without blaming or shaming anybody.
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