Carl Jung said everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves. It’s true. Sometimes things that play out in current relationships can mirror past experiences - even in small ways - and give us clues to something unresolved within us that we need to pay some attention to.
And - children can also project their intolerable feelings onto us. The way we feel in their presence - or when they come to mind - can be a window into their inner world. If they trigger difficult feelings like rejection, inadequacy, shame, or anger, then that may be a reflection of their experience - experience they’re unable to communicate or that they’re consciously unaware of.
When we experience strong difficult emotions, it can be worth asking “Is this being projected onto me and if so what does my child need from me?”
Curiosity is key.
Self care always helps. The more we’re in our window of tolerance, the more we’re able to attach a positive narrative to what’s going on, the better able we are to problem-solve and work together with others, and the less likely we are to do any harm.