“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind” – Brene Brown
This quote comes to mind often, because it’s so true - for our young people but also for us adults. We all feel safer when our environments and the people around us are predictable - when we know where we stand. It’s the basis of attachment theory - predictability builds trust in others and and a deep sense of physical and emotional security.
But let’s be honest - sometimes being clear isn’t the easiest option. It can take real courage. There’s often a level of vulnerability involved. It means being willing to admit when we’re wrong: “I’m sorry I got that wrong. I’m going to work hard not to do that again.” It means being willing to admit when we’re out of our depth: “This isn’t something I expected, I’m going to need some time to work out how I feel and what I want to do.” It also means holding firm when necessary: “I can see this is upsetting for you, but I want to be clear that I’m not going to change my position on this.” Sometimes, it means trusting our own judgment, even when it’s uncomfortable “At this point, I don’t trust that you’re being truthful, so I’m going to hold on to my own story of what I believe happened and make my decisions based on that.”
Making space for their big feelings, staying emotionally present without being swayed - it can take strength, courage, and determination.
Clear boundaries, held with compassion, communicated clearly and directly, reduces confusion and gives a sense of structure and predictability. It’s the stuff of safety, trust, and deep connection.
Can you relate?