Finished an incredible journey with a neurodivergent family this week. We started working together about a year ago. At that point every day was filled with chaos, conflict, hurt, and distress.
With a lot of debate and challenge in sessions - in both directions - the family have begun to find their own ways of integrating the core principle of NVR into family life - as your parents we won’t control you and we won’t be controlled by you. With this fundamental shift the parents are now courageously finding ways to experience and process the fear and shame and hurt and anger they were trying to regulate through their parenting decisions and behaviours (unhelpful behaviours are always an attempt at regulating dis-regulated nervous systems).
They’ve showed great humility in reaching out for help, acknowledging their vulnerability, and in committing to put into practice approaches that they originally didn’t believe would be helpful.
It’s an ongoing journey and there’s still a lot of work to do in terms of strengthening family connections - home isn’t yet a place of mutual respect - but where “every day was carnage” there’s now space to think, feel, reflect, and plan. And to rest.
It’s been a deeply rewarding piece of work and I’m so proud of their determination, persistence, and resilience - and of everything they’ve achieved in such a short space of time.