Now you see me...
I saw this on Bluesky and was very moved. It's hard living with children who were hurt in the most awful ways and still respond from that...
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elainenichollsnvr
Nov 242 min read
Tigers and teddy bears
I love Suzanne Zeedyk's analogy of tigers and teddy bears to explain attachment. Unique and highly personal neural pathways significantly...
elainenichollsnvr
Nov 212 min read
It’s not about what happened to us as children
One of my favourite quotes is from one of Dan Siegel’s earlier books - parenting from the inside out. He explains that it isn’t what...
elainenichollsnvr
Nov 201 min read
Sometimes we just need to let off steam
In an NVR group for kinship/connected carers we talked about the importance of venting. Sometimes we don’t want advice - we just want to...
elainenichollsnvr
Nov 191 min read
What's the story?
The stories we tell ourselves matter. Whether emotions shape our narrative or our narrative shapes our emotions is up for debate. But one...
elainenichollsnvr
Nov 172 min read
How to be angry
Let’s face it - expressions of anger in our children can be overwhelming. The shouting, stomping, crashing and banging. The “I hate you...
elainenichollsnvr
Oct 312 min read
Disenfranchised grief in adoption
Disenfranchised grief in adoption (and other similar family set ups) is a topic close to my heart - grief that society (and often family)...
elainenichollsnvr
Oct 241 min read
Working with the system
Today started with a school meeting. Usually, families are referred to NVR to learn different ways to parent in very difficult...
elainenichollsnvr
Oct 193 min read
Family values - compliance to commitment
I have great respect for Brene Brown & love her perspective here. She’s all about family values - taking children on a loving journey...
elainenichollsnvr
Oct 182 min read
Emotion Coaching
Emotion coaching has come up a few times this week in work with parents. When the first emotion we see and feel from our children is...
elainenichollsnvr
Sep 212 min read
NVR parenting - warm and firm
Deciding where to set our expectations for our children can be tricky when there's trauma, disabilities, and other things going on like...
elainenichollsnvr
Sep 151 min read
Learning to feel safe
Learning to feel safe after a lifetime of being on guard is going to take time. In adoption, fostering, or kinship care - “a lifetime of...
elainenichollsnvr
Sep 131 min read
Everything that irritates
Carl Jung said everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves. It’s true. Sometimes things...
elainenichollsnvr
Sep 102 min read
Two things can be true
Those of us parenting children who’ve experienced relational trauma can sometimes struggle to decide how to respond to behaviours that...
elainenichollsnvr
Sep 31 min read
You are delightful
When children are experienced as delightful, when that’s communicated through words & actions, children experience themselves as...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 252 min read
Self-fulfilling prophecy in NVR
I love this quote by Karyn Purvis - an expert in developmental trauma, attachment difficulties, and therapeutic approaches. She was one...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 232 min read
NVR chat - follow up group for parents
Today I did something I've been meaning to do for a while. I set up a Facebook group for parents who've completed an NVR parent group...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 212 min read
Things I manage not to say
Children’s brains are wired differently to adult brains. The bits of the brain that help us manage our emotions and impulses, reflect on...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 192 min read
Say yes to the feelings
This right here is the key to therapeutic parenting - saying yes to the feelings (or ideas, or thoughts, or wishes, or drives) while also...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 141 min read
Collaborative problem solving
Collaborative conversations are a fundamental part of NVR parenting and NVR approaches in schools. Starting from a belief that everyone's...
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