Can I use consequences in NVR parenting?
Parents often ask if it's okay to use consequences in NVR parenting. Consequences are part of life. We can't avoid them. Consequences are...
top of page
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 121 min read
Look beyond behaviour
What a beautiful illustration by Hazel Mead. Reminding us to always to consider what's going on underneath the surface, to look beyond...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 82 min read
Coregulation
Therapeutic parents are encouraged to share their calm to coregulate their dysregulated child. They might be very distressed. They might...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 51 min read
Everyone's doing their best
This statement can really help to shift our nervous system state when we’re struggling with children’s behaviour. I think there are few,...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 22 min read
No matter what!
Relationship gestures - a fancy term for all the things we do that keep us deeply connected to our children - are fundamental to NVR. A...
elainenichollsnvr
Jul 292 min read
The problem with praise
If you want your kids to feel good about themselves then let them overhear you tell other people good things about them - the ways...
elainenichollsnvr
Jul 282 min read
The language of children's harmful behaviour
The terminology around children's harmful behaviour is tricky and language matters. The language we use influences whether families...
elainenichollsnvr
Jul 205 min read
BRAVING - the elements of trust in relationships
Researcher Brene Brown came up with the acronym ‘BRAVING’ - seven elements of trusting relationships. I think it’s a useful tool to...
elainenichollsnvr
Jul 51 min read
Letting go
There's a lot of letting go in NVR. One of the things we can let go of is the idea that we're responsible for the actions and responses...
elainenichollsnvr
Jul 21 min read
Achieving better connections
Last year friend and colleague Al Coates and I wrote a parenting course for a local authority to use as their default training for...
elainenichollsnvr
Jun 231 min read
Mindful parenting
I’ve been doing a lot of driving lately - a lot - and I’ve been listening to audiobooks to make the most of the time. So far I’m still on...
elainenichollsnvr
Jun 102 min read
You can't do everything
I don’t believe we can do everything. Actually, I don't believe we can do anything either. I have my limitations and I believe we all do....
elainenichollsnvr
May 312 min read
Where's the harm?
An exercise we do in our groups (and sometimes in one to one sessions) is thinking back to a thing we did as a child that our parent/s...
elainenichollsnvr
May 301 min read
Parental presence
This to me is parental presence. Everything we do (and don't do) influencing their development, influencing their values, influencing the...
elainenichollsnvr
May 261 min read
We all go through things differently
It’s tempting to compare ourselves, our parenting, our children, to others. But we don’t all experience things the same. We don’t all...
elainenichollsnvr
May 251 min read
I'm so sorry
Apologies cover a multitude of parent mistakes and parent dysregulation. We all have ‘stuff’ that drives everything from behind the...
elainenichollsnvr
May 232 min read
Parenting Styles
The four parenting styles are fairly well-known. Permissive (top left) is an approach to parenting where there’s a lot of warmth,...
elainenichollsnvr
May 161 min read
Children don't need perfection
Children don’t need perfection. If we can manage safe and predicable most of the time, avoiding all forms of abuse and neglect, taking...
elainenichollsnvr
Apr 261 min read
Get a dog
If you have a teenager, or a handful of teenagers, you'll know that teenagers aren't very often pleased to see us. If your self worth was...
elainenichollsnvr
Apr 71 min read
It takes a village
It takes a village to raise a child, any child, but especially a traumatised child. We can’t do it alone. We need other people who can...
bottom of page