Learning to feel safe
Learning to feel safe after a lifetime of being on guard is going to take time. In adoption, fostering, or kinship care - “a lifetime of...
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elainenichollsnvr
Sep 141 min read
Your old self has no say
We all make mistakes as parents. We all have regrets. We all feel shame sometimes. Give yourself permission to move on from the parent...
elainenichollsnvr
Sep 131 min read
Everything that irritates
Carl Jung said everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves. It’s true. Sometimes things...
elainenichollsnvr
Sep 121 min read
If the only tool we have is a hammer...
If the only tool you have is a hammer, it's tempting to treat every problem as though it were a nail. A quote often attributed to Abraham...
elainenichollsnvr
Sep 111 min read
Where there's family violence there's shame
Where there’s family violence, there’s shame. Children can be violent and aggressive for all sorts of reasons. For some children big...
elainenichollsnvr
Sep 102 min read
Two things can be true
Those of us parenting children who’ve experienced relational trauma can sometimes struggle to decide how to respond to behaviours that...
elainenichollsnvr
Sep 31 min read
You are delightful
When children are experienced as delightful, when that’s communicated through words & actions, children experience themselves as...
elainenichollsnvr
Sep 22 min read
Boundaries
We’ve got a reactive cavapoo who barks a lot when anybody walks past the house, especially if they’ve got a dog. Initially there was no...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 301 min read
Breathe
When things are going well it's easier to be intentional in our parenting. It's much more of a challenge when we're out of our window of...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 291 min read
Rudeness
My conscious thinking brain knows this. My unconscious emotional brain sometimes doesn't. When we're feeling wound up by our kids it's...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 272 min read
Alice's Umbrella
Human beings learn by experience - things going well and things going not so well. It’s tempting to feel as though we need to say...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 252 min read
Self-fulfilling prophecy in NVR
I love this quote by Karyn Purvis - an expert in developmental trauma, attachment difficulties, and therapeutic approaches. She was one...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 232 min read
NVR chat - follow up group for parents
Today I did something I've been meaning to do for a while. I set up a Facebook group for parents who've completed an NVR parent group...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 212 min read
Things I manage not to say
Children’s brains are wired differently to adult brains. The bits of the brain that help us manage our emotions and impulses, reflect on...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 192 min read
Say yes to the feelings
This right here is the key to therapeutic parenting - saying yes to the feelings (or ideas, or thoughts, or wishes, or drives) while also...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 152 min read
Grades don't define you
A level results in our house today. I’m in awe of those that did well and in awe of those that didn’t do so well. It’s difficult for...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 141 min read
Collaborative problem solving
Collaborative conversations are a fundamental part of NVR parenting and NVR approaches in schools. Starting from a belief that everyone's...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 132 min read
Can I use consequences in NVR parenting?
Parents often ask if it's okay to use consequences in NVR parenting. Consequences are part of life. We can't avoid them. Consequences are...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 121 min read
Look beyond behaviour
What a beautiful illustration by Hazel Mead. Reminding us to always to consider what's going on underneath the surface, to look beyond...
elainenichollsnvr
Aug 82 min read
Coregulation
Therapeutic parents are encouraged to share their calm to coregulate their dysregulated child. They might be very distressed. They might...
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