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I don't like who I become
I had a conversation with a parent this week they said “I don’t like who I become when my child pushes me to my limits?” It got me...

elainenichollsnvr
Jan 251 min read


Into pastures new
It’s been a bumpy ride over the past few months. My girls lost their mum unexpectedly late last year. There’s this idea that children who...

elainenichollsnvr
Jan 202 min read


How was your Christmas?
How was your Christmas? I’m not sure that a drama-free Christmas is possible for families raising children with significant early trauma....

elainenichollsnvr
Dec 27, 20242 min read


Grief and Loss at Christmas...
A reminder that children who are grieving continue to grieve over Christmas. Adults too. In our home, Christmas needs to be a quiet and...

elainenichollsnvr
Dec 13, 20241 min read


NVR - evidence base and adaptability
NVR as a parenting approach was developed in the 1990s to help parents take a firm stance around harmful behaviours - like drugs,...

elainenichollsnvr
Nov 23, 20242 min read


What's the story?
The stories we tell ourselves matter. Whether emotions shape our narrative or our narrative shapes our emotions is up for debate. But one...

elainenichollsnvr
Nov 19, 20241 min read


How to be angry
Let’s face it - expressions of anger in our children can be overwhelming. The shouting, stomping, crashing and banging. The “I hate you...

elainenichollsnvr
Nov 17, 20242 min read


Working with the system
Today started with a school meeting. Usually, families are referred to NVR to learn different ways to parent in very difficult...

elainenichollsnvr
Oct 25, 20241 min read


Parental presence when we're burnt out...
I'm delivering an NVR group at the moment and this morning we were thinking about increasing our presence (in their minds and hearts)...

elainenichollsnvr
Oct 10, 20241 min read


Life story conversations with kinship children
Yesterday I had the honour and the privilege of spending the day with a group of kinship carers - thinking together about the difficult...

elainenichollsnvr
Oct 4, 20241 min read


Accept your humanity
Some children need ‘Superparents’ - the premise of Amber Elliot’s book for therapeutic parents. But striving to be the perfect parent for...

elainenichollsnvr
Oct 1, 20242 min read


NVR parenting - warm and firm
Deciding where to set our expectations for our children can be tricky when there's trauma, disabilities, and other things going on like...

elainenichollsnvr
Sep 21, 20242 min read


Learning to feel safe
Learning to feel safe after a lifetime of being on guard is going to take time. In adoption, fostering, or kinship care - “a lifetime of...

elainenichollsnvr
Sep 15, 20241 min read


Everything that irritates
Carl Jung said everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves. It’s true. Sometimes things...

elainenichollsnvr
Sep 13, 20241 min read


Two things can be true
Those of us parenting children who’ve experienced relational trauma can sometimes struggle to decide how to respond to behaviours that...

elainenichollsnvr
Sep 10, 20242 min read


Self-fulfilling prophecy in NVR
I love this quote by Karyn Purvis - an expert in developmental trauma, attachment difficulties, and therapeutic approaches. She was one...

elainenichollsnvr
Aug 25, 20242 min read


NVR chat - follow up group for parents
Today I did something I've been meaning to do for a while. I set up a Facebook group for parents who've completed an NVR parent group...

elainenichollsnvr
Aug 23, 20242 min read


Things I manage not to say
Children’s brains are wired differently to adult brains. The bits of the brain that help us manage our emotions and impulses, reflect on...

elainenichollsnvr
Aug 21, 20242 min read


Say yes to the feelings
This right here is the key to therapeutic parenting - saying yes to the feelings (or ideas, or thoughts, or wishes, or drives) while also...

elainenichollsnvr
Aug 20, 20242 min read


Grades don't define you
A level results in our house today. I’m in awe of those that did well and in awe of those that didn’t do so well. It’s difficult for...

elainenichollsnvr
Aug 15, 20242 min read
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